Content warning for this episode: discussion of blood, description of a blood transfusion, brief mention of needles
They say no plan survives contact with the enemy. As the company finally come face to face with Gideon Gilchrist himself, things start to unravel dangerously...
Starring Ellie Pitkin, David Turnbull, Chris Buxey and Josh Yard as themselves
Created and hosted by Matt Boothman (@MerelyMJ)
In association with Blackshaw Theatre Company (www.blackshawonline.com)
facebook.com/MerelyRoleplayers
Playing a heist version of Simple World by Avery Alder (buriedwithoutceremony.com/little-games)
Promo: Tales from the Dark Dragons Inn (tailsfromthedarkdragonsinn.co.uk)
Episode transcript
Intro
Matt: This episode of Merely Roleplayers comes with a content warning for blood and a description of a blood transfusion. It's not graphic, but there is a mention of needles.
Welcome back to Merely Roleplayers: the programme where theatrical people play roleplaying games. Act Two of Let's Get Gideon will begin in just a moment so please switch your phone to silent mode - unless you're using it to listen to this, in which case we'll let you off.
By this point in the season you've probably noticed that I'm running this game a bit differently to the last three seasons. For this one, I wanted to hand a lot more control over to the players - not just in terms of where they go and what they do - but this time also in terms of what they discover and how things end up playing out. I changed up the style partly because of this being a heist story - what I love most about a heist caper is the surprise twists and I knew it wasn't going to feel right if it was always me springing surprises on the players. They're supposed to be the criminal masterminds. I wanted them to be able to pull the rug out from under me as well. But it was also something I'd been thinking about anyway after listening back over a couple of moments from A Town Called Amnesty - one involving a scar and one involving a carving of the Virgin Mary. In both those moments Ellie came up with a theory and pursued it enthusiastically then hit a dead end because the theories didn't match what I'd planned for. That sort of thing is disappointing for a player and, listening back, I think it's disappointing for the audience as well; to hear someone take initiative and use their head and then not get any satisfying kind of payoff for their trouble.
Thinking about it, I realised that was always going to happen when you run a game the way I'd been doing it; where the players run around in a maze you've built, hitting deadends until they find the path you've decided was going to be the right one. So I thought I'd try changing things up a bit and make it so if a player wants it enough they can turn the deadend into a sweet secret passage. This season we're all building the maze as we go. What we're ending up with is sort of a nightmare - all impossible MC Escher staircases and pits full of laser scorpions - but the point is someone really wanted those scorpions to have lasers and it's their game. And it's a nightmare I couldn't have dreamed up on my own.
Now then, maintain your cover and don't lose your cool; the company will return to the stage for Let's Get Gideon Act Two after this from our friends in the RPG podcasts community.
Promo
The Dark Dragon’s Inn since days of old
has told the tales of heroes bold
when darkness swept across the land
players formed a merry band
the Scales of Justice was their name
to save the world and seek their fame
Join us in the adventure with Tales From The Dark Dragon’s Inn at tft.ddi.co.uk.
The story so far
Ellie: The story so far.
Matt: You are Blackshaw, a theatre company. What you hope nobody else knows is you're also master-thieves and con artists.
Ellie: Hooray!
Matt: Your latest mark:
Ellie: Gideon Gilchrist...
Josh: ...is injecting the blood of far younger humans...
Chris: I was going to represent our fictional blood supply company…
Matt (as Maxine): “Sanguine Solutions” is it? I simply cannot wait to begin working together…
Matt: You are undercover with the security team at Gideon's freeport where he keeps his art tax-free…
Josh: ...and I would like to approach my immediate superior: Chuck Banhoff…
Matt (as Chuck): ...you proved yourself. I'm upping your security clearance here and now…
Ellie: ...can Josh now see what the security requirements are for Gilchrist’s vault?
Matt: ...iris, fingerprint, voice…
Josh: ...armed guards, bomb proof doors and sniffer dogs as well…
Matt: … you’ve got to be wanded, you’ve got to be patted down…
Josh: Absolutely.
Ellie: Just to get in that specific vault?
Ellie: Life's a game, the world’s a stage and we’re all merely players.
Let’s Get Gideon, Act Two
Matt: What scene do you like to do next?
Ellie: If we're going to be doing the theft from the vault, we need to be able to get past the security measures.
Matt: And you need to be able to get the stuff out.
Josh: Without being noticed.
Ellie: Is anyone else thinking “tunnel”?
Josh: Yeah “tunnel” or some way of immobilising the guards... tranquilising them or something?
Ellie: Yeah.
Chris: Or we have a legitimate reason to take it all out.
Ellie: Ah. We are a removal company?
Dave: Well we need to convince Gideon that we need so much space for the blood equipment so he needs to have a big, secure space to put the transfusion stuff in. And hope that he puts two and two together and goes: “I could use my weird airport hangar?!”
Ellie: Yeah because you've got this visit coming up to look his existing space so you can be like: “this is completely unsuitable!”
Dave: “Too small!”
Josh: “We need somewhere bigger, colder… closer to an airport!”
Ellie: “We need it to be on leylines!”
Matt: You joke but perhaps you need it to be in that slightly gray regulatory situation…
Ellie: Yeah, because it’s actually an illegal process… because it seems unlikely that we wouldn't have our own space for it to happen in.
Dave: But I think he wouldn't want to use it. I think we could say: “Look we've got our own space…”
Ellie: “Yeah but people would see you coming and going…” - won’t they as well? You want it to be somewhere people aren't gonna think anything of him being there.
Dave: And our space is by Cardiff Airport.
Josh: But that's far too far to go and get it from his London abode. Surely he's got a house in Barbados, and a house in a New York and if he wants to ship it out there when he's going, so he's not carrying it in his carry-on luggage every time he goes, he might want to ship it from the airport.
Matt: Do you want to find out whether he's got other houses/abodes in other places?
Josh: Absolutely I think that would be a good thing for us to do.
Matt: It will be a Brains roll. So who'd like to roll for that?
Chris: I will try and find that out!
Ellie: You’re our highest Brains.
(sound of dice rolling)
Chris: Nine! So - if we suggest he needs a big secure space, does he have another alternative that will spring to mind?
Matt: No, he doesn't. Let's say he does have holiday homes and things, but this is the sort of procedure that he would want to have on the reg. And so he would need it to be close-ish to his usual home base. So the freeport vault is going to be, probably, the first place that springs to his mind.
Chris: Okay so that might be a good tack: “Please put our blood equipment in there. Please move your art out.” How do we control where the art goes?
Ellie: I think we could go down two avenues. We could either say: “Oh, we can do that for you” or “we can cover that cost for you”...
Chris: Hmm.
Ellie: ...and then therefore have some control over what company takes it or we make him think it's his idea to use that company... that's actually us as a front!
Dave …“I’ve got this pamphlet for a removals company…!”
Chris: …“we’ve worked with them before…?”
Matt: I just want to throw in another possible option which is that you can just heist them in transit?
All: Yeah, yeah.
Ellie: Oh yeah so it can be any old company…
Josh: Or when they're on the way out they are stopped by an overly eager member of the security force and asked for additional checks... we bosh them on the back of the head and we drive away.
Ellie: Yeah.
Dave: We just take over the role of…
Ellie: ...SWAT team! We’re the SWAT team all along!
Matt: Okay. All right. We're thinking quite long-term now. Let's think about short-term - what's the next thing you want to achieve?
Dave: We've got to convince Gilbert... Gideon… that he needs to move all of his art out in that meeting that we have with him.
Ellie: Yep.
Dave: So we're going to meet Gideon next?
Ellie: Yeah to go and view his current blood-room and tell them that it's not up scratch.
Josh: And are we still taking we still taking photographs - incriminating photographs - of this?
Dave: I'll take some photos whilst I’m there, under the guise of: “we're gonna take these back and check what you've got”.
Josh: At the risk of playing devil’s advocate and further complicating this endeavour - is it worth sending Ellie in in another disguise to take the photos?
Dave: Yeah it probably shouldn't be me taking photos because they'll be like: “You're just the the advert for the product”.
Josh: Yeah - you’re quite literally just the model... why are you at this meeting…?
Dave: Yeah.
Josh: ...and you’re going to be having your hand licked by Maxine…
Ellie: He’s probably got a a CCTV home system doesn’t he? Yeah so I think I can hack it…
Josh: I think you should get in there! Do you want me to come with you - both in disguise?
Ellie: Yeah maybe we could be maintenance people?
Josh: Maintenance or scientists that are also here to take notes…
Chris: ...you are my technical support team! You are here to...
Dave: ...vet the installation?
Chris: Vet the installation and do whatever ever you need to do to the computers that control the equipment.
Josh: Absolutely. “Excuse me, may we go away and look at your toilet facilities as well? And the kitchen…?” And then we can sneak off - I can jump somebody and you can hacky-hack.
Chris: “Say the procedure goes wrong... there is a small chance you will shit some blood! So we need to check out your toilets. A small chance!”
Matt: Okay: you arrive back at the Shard, but this time many floors higher up, in a private elevator to the entrance to Proscenium Fields: Gilchrist's hilariously-opulent private suites. And you're greeted there by the man himself. The elevator doors ping open and there is Gideon Gilchrist - the man that you've seen in photos as you've been planning this grift. He wears a blazer and t-shirt combo - like he's posh but trying to be cool. He's kind of pasty and just ever so slightly starting to recede on top, and he's a tall guy, and as you pile out at the elevator you discover that he likes to stand quite close and loom.
Josh: They’re all creepy here aren’t they?
Matt (as Gideon): Hello hello! Wonderful to meet you all! Sanguine Solutions is it? Yah - which one of you is Dr. Claret?
Chris (in character): Oh that's me: Dr. Hugo Claret, nice to meet you Mr Gilchrist.
Matt (as Gideon): Very nice to meet you!
Matt: And he takes your hand and shakes it and he's got a very vigorous handshake…
Matt (as Gideon): And who are your associates?
Chris (in character): Oh well this is Chad Manlisson: he's my personal assistant. And these are my technician crew, whose names I haven't bothered to remember.
Matt (as Gideon): Oh no I never bother to remember the help’s names either! Yeah they're small people!
Chris (in character): We are busy, busy men. We’ve got a lot to do! So we’re - as I'm sure Maxine has told you - we're here today to talk to you about…
Matt (as Gideon): Sshh!! Not here.
Chris (in character): Yes - well we're here today on “business”…
Matt (as Gideon): So yes, let's go to where the “business” is conducted.
Chris (in character): That is a very good idea - please lead the way.
Matt (as Gideon): Maxine's waiting for us there.
Chris (in character): Ah excellent. I must say I've been to some wonderful private residences in my time - this is the most tasteful penthouse I've ever seen!
Matt (as Gideon): I do enjoy it! Do you like the glass ceiling with the hippo swimming around?
Chris (in character): I do! I’ve never seen the underside of a hippo before!
Matt (as Gideon): It’s the only hippo of its subspecies left in the world, do you know?
Chris (in character): Beautiful! It’s brought a tear to my eye.
Dave (in character): Does it have a name? It’s so beautiful.
Matt (as Gideon): I call it - “The Last One”!
Chris (in character): Witty! That is an excellent name!
Matt: He leads you through the suite and it's all very horrible and gaudy. Something that some of you notice is there's no art on display here in the suite. Given what you know, that he is a public art-enthusiast and philanthropist, and that's his public persona, none of it is on display to anybody coming into the suite.
Chris: Right.
Matt (as Gideon): And this is my private performance exhibition and installation space. I don't know whether you've heard - some very, very memorable performances in there. I've had Punchdrunk, I've had - do you know I've had an exclusive performance piece commissioned from Lulu B'Goo.
Chris (in character): Oh wow!
Josh: My eye starts to twitch.
Matt (as Gideon): She's actually performed for me several times - I count her as a close personal friend.
Ellie: I grip Josh's shoulder.
Josh: (Heavy, laboured breathing)
Matt (as Gideon): Anyway onward onward onward…
Matt: He takes you past the performance space and to what looks like quite an unremarkable door with a keypad and an iris scanner. He punches in a code and he looks into the iris scanner and the door opens and inside is Maxine.
Chris (in character): Hi Maxine!
Dave (in character): Hello Maxine!
Matt (as Maxine): So good to see you all again, darlings.
Matt: What do we think the setup looks like in here?
Ellie: Oh it's so white!
Josh: Lots of right angles.
Matt: Yeah, this is within the core of the building so there are no windows, and it's just an entirely sterile, white room. There are two chairs back-to-back with a transfusion setup. One of them is clearly very expensive and comfy and tailored for lumbar-support and stuff. And the other one is like a primary school bucket-chair.
Josh: No expense spared...
Chris (in character): I see. And these are your facilities are they?
Matt (as Maxine): Oh yes, yes. This is absolutely the state of the art of…
Matt: She checks that the door is closed…
Matt (as Maxine): ...state of the art parabiosis setup. Yes the transfusions are very quick, very painless for the transfusee, Mr Gilchrist here…
Matt (as Gideon): Oh yes I never feel a thing! Don’t even feel the needle going in!
Chris (in character): Wonderful!
Matt (as Maxine): It's a totally sterile room as you see. I'm sure you'll be very impressed.
Josh: I'd like to be looking around and writing down - as if I’m disapproving of the space.
Ellie: I start tutting to myself.
Matt (as Maxine): We are going to need to vet those notes before you take them out of the building, I'm afraid. We can't have too many of our trade secrets leaving the building.
Chris (in character): Oh I'm so sorry… you've put me in a slightly difficult situation here. I never like to come into a man's home and insult his parabiosis equipment. But you’re right - this was state-of-the-art... ten years ago, maybe. I'm so sorry... if you'll forgive my brutal honesty (and I have to be brutally honest) because Sanguine Solutions, we have a reputation to uphold. We only offer the best blood transfusion age-reduction treatments and... I….
Matt (as Gideon): Get to the point man! Maxine's convinced me of your credentials and I want - let me be brutally honest back - I want what you're selling, Sir. If this setup is not sufficient then tell me what is.
Chris (in character): I’m very pleased to hear that Mr Gilchrist - glad we're on the same page. Yes to be blunt this is not sufficient; this is dated. I think I saw a speck of dirt over there... Frankly, I may need to sit down in a minute... What we need to do - we want the best for our clients - want the best for you. We need to get you set up with a new facility. I'm just trying to think where…? This space is not sufficient.
Matt (as Gideon): I really would rather that we could set something up in the suite. I don't want to be papped on my way to your facility, you understand?
Chris (in character): Nor would we want you to. We have a hundred percent discretion record for all our clients. No name is ever leaked. And that is why we do not have our own facility at our HQ. Our HQ is just offices. We would not want paparazzi waiting outside. Well - you’re a wealthy man - one of the wealthiest in fact - which is why we came to you first with this new season’s treatment. Do you have access to any large, secure spaces? I mean, something that really helps the process is a large, cold, open space. Not too much in natural light - we need to control the light levels obviously..
Ellie (in character): Hmmhmm - agreeing noises!
Chris (in character): ...and discretion is one of our key words at Sanguine Solutions.
Matt: Roll Wiles. And what you want out of this, what success looks like is that he or Maxine decide, off the top of their own heads, that what you want to happen happens.
(sound of dice rolling)
Chris: Six total.
Matt: So that's a failure. So you can mark a failure which means you can increase one of your scores by one. That's the good news.
Matt (as Gideon): You know, I think that I have a solution to this.
Chris (in character): Yeah?
Matt (as Gideon): Why don't... Maxine, tell me if this is completely crazy... Why don't we simply convert the performance and installation space? That's larger than this! There are no windows in there because I want perfect privacy and it's climate-controlled... We could certainly use that place.
Josh: Disagreeing noises - I tap Chris on the shoulder.
Chris (in character): Of course - as you know Mr Gilchrist - the Shard has famously poor cargo elevators. I mean there's just no way we could get our equipment up here. No - that simply won't do. What we could really do with is somewhere… sort of like almost a legal gray zone... and because, as you'll know this, I'm friends with the head of the Pharmaceutical Regulatory Authority, there's not gonna be any investigation. But you know if something were to happen to him and he would be replaced, for example, it would be good if this was on some sort of… something that was a bit of a legally-neutral territory.
Matt (as Gideon): Let me stop you there. All non-essential personnel out of the room for this discussion please. Technicians!
Chris (in character): Yeah ok guys if you wait outside. Maybe, sir - Chad is both essential and trustworthy.
Ellie: Okay so me and Josh are going to use this as an excuse to go off…
Chris (in character): Why don’t you guys go off and take a bathroom break or whatever it is technicians do?
Matt: So Chris got an only-just-fail there, so if anybody wants to roll to help they can increase his score by two, potentially, if they want.
Ellie: Yeah I want to try.
Matt: Tell us how you try to turn this from a complete wash into a success.
Ellie: I'm going to lean over to Chris while he's talking about the legally gray stuff. I'm just gonna whisper some stuff in his ear - which to them is gonna look like I'm just giving him some information or reminding him or something, and I am doing that - I'm saying to Chris that he should go in stronger with the legal implications.
Matt: Okay so yeah, you're feeding Chris the line about legal implications. Roll Teamwork with Chris.
(sound of dice rolling)
Ellie: Okay - Nine.
Matt: So you get to add one to his roll, which takes it up to a seven. So instead of a total failure it's a mixed success. So you get what you want but there's a catch.
Chris: Right okay.
Matt: So the thought does occur to them that the warehouse vault is going to be a good substitute.
Chris: Okay
Matt: But what's the catch?
Chris: So does his head of security personally guard the stuff as it's moved out?
Josh: To oversee every aspect of it?
Chris: Yes.
Matt: I like that.
Matt (as Gideon): I know, now that I have discretion here I can say, that I do actually have access to a larger facility. Very, very secure; the most secure. A little further away from home than I would like but somewhere that I can be seen to visit regularly without suspicion. I think it would be perfect actually.
Chris (in character): Well excellent okay and so this is somewhere ideally we need somewhere else… it's quite cool is it?
Matt (as Gideon): Climate control and light control, yes.
Chris (in character): Is it on the ground floor and stops vibrations?
Matt (as Gideon): Yes yes yes definitely. Yes it’s actually partly underground.
Chris (in character): Perfect - this sound ideal.
Matt (as Gideon): The only problem with it is that it's full, currently. I'm using it for something.
Chris (in character): Right… we have a lot of equipment. Some of the processing, some of our special processing technique, which has such startling results - such as Chad here - it's quite bulky... for now it's bulky - we’re working on miniaturising it but this takes time - but you will be on the cutting edge, the bleeding edge if you will…
Matt (as Gideon): Ha ha! Good joke! Ha ha!
Chris (in character): So we need a lot of space and, I’ll preface this by saying nothing has ever gone wrong in any of our procedures, but if any blood banks were to rupture - there'll be no danger to yourself - but we wouldn't want whatever you had in there splattered with blood and poor people's blood.
Matt (as Gideon): I think I can probably arrange this but it's going to take a little while to make the arrangements, because I'm going to have to talk to my accountant about what I do with all of the assets I have stored in that facility.
Chris (in character): Okay yes absolutely - well we do offer a management service for moving things out. I mean this isn't the first time that our clients have had to make provisions for our equipment.
Matt (as Gideon): No I think we’ll handle all of that on our side.
Chris (in character): Yes whatever is convenient.
Matt: I’m gonna make that the catch…
Chris: Right okay.
Matt: He won’t let you have any part in moving stuff.
Matt (as Gideon): But yes I mean this isn't totally ideal... I was really hoping to have the setup installed and done and up and running today, but a small delay is a small price to pay…
Chris (in character): What price do you put on youth?
Matt (as Gideon): Absolutely.
Chris (in character): On a related note - here’s our invoice.
Matt (as Gideon): I find that the minimum wage is plenty…!
Chris (in character): Aha ha ha! Mr Gilchrist! Well we look forward to working with you.
Matt: What are the technicians doing outside the facility?
Josh: Is there anybody about in this hallway?
Matt: There are security guards about, yes.
Ellie: Okay I am going to say that I need to go to the bathroom.
Josh: I'm going to say the same thing and just hope that they are close to each other. We drank a lot of blood on the way here and obviously in need of the toilet. Oh no! I can inspect the toilet facilities.
Ellie: Oh yes!
Dave: Whilst you’re going?
Ellie: Oh the people outside the room don't know if.. oh Maxine's there though, isn't she?
Matt: She's in the room.
Ellie: Oh she’s left with them? So no-one outside the room knows that it's been deemed not appropriate?
Matt: Yes that's true.
Ellie: Okay.
Matt: So the nearest security guard says…
Matt (as security guard): Hmm, no unaccompanied guests. You'll need an escort with whatever it is you're... you're just leaving are you?
Josh (in character): No no not at all. We are two technicians and my colleague, Olga, here…
Ellie (in character): Ja!
Josh (in character): ...needs... must use the bathroom.
Ellie (in character): We need to continue our investigations throughout the building.
Matt (as security guard): Hmm all right but you need an escort. I'll have to come with you.
Ellie (in character): To the ladies’ toilets?
Josh (in character): This is not the way it's done, especially not in her home country of Brazil.
Matt (as security guard): Won't be any funny business, uh, you can close the stall door obviously…
Ellie (in character): That is not good enough!
Matt (as security guard): I'll just... I can't leave… I can’t let you go off wherever you want.
Ellie (in character): That's not good enough - you must stand outside at least.
Josh (in character): There are only two of us and it is essentially and vitally important that we inspect the sanitation facilities of this building and at the same time my colleague can go toilet.
Ellie (in character): I don’t know why that’s in…? It’s not…
Matt (as security guard): If all you're doing is inspecting then obviously you can be escorted, there’s nothing wrong then…
Ellie (in character): You misunderstand. My colleague’s grasp of English is not so good. I visit the toilets for using the facilities as a woman. This man he is simply going to investigate all of the toilets facilities (not while I'm using them) for purposes of Mr. Gilchrist and his wishes.
Josh (in character): And speaking of Mr Gilchrist, if you want us to go in there and interrupt his conversation because you're not taking us down there…
Ellie (in character) Ja ja!
Josh (in character): ...this vital part of inspection. Yes I'm sure I'll be interested to see what he thinks…
Ellie (in character): Ja Danke!
Matt: Somebody roll Wiles.
Josh: Shall I give Wiles a go?
Ellie: I’m hoping to just confuse him with my accent.
(sound of dice rolling)
Ellie & Josh: Oh for God’s sake!
Ellie: Four?
Josh: That is six total.
Chris: Quick - shoot him with your grappling gun.
Matt: Ellie, would you like to roll to help?
Ellie: Yes I would!
Matt: Or should we let the failure stand?
Ellie: No.
Matt: You still rolled a failure so you get to mark a failure.
Josh: Two failures for me.
(sound of dice rolling)
Ellie: Balls. Six.
Matt: You also get to mark a failure.
Josh: Dammit!
Matt (as security guard): No, all this seems very suspicious... you're both just going to have to follow me and leave.
Ellie (in character): Leave the building?
Josh (in character): We are hardly even close to what... I suppose we'll have to go get Mr Gilchrist…
Josh: And I turn around and head…
Matt (as security guard): I'm empowered to remove suspicious individuals from the building. Come with me or I shall have to…
Matt: ...and he gets out a taser.
Ellie: Oh my God!
Josh (in character): This is very, very unwelcoming. You see this pass says “guest” on it - is this how you treat your guests…?
Josh: ...and I throw it at the ground.
Matt: He picks it up and he turns it over and says:
Matt (as security guard): There are terms and conditions on the back of this. There’s behaviour you have to observe while you're under this guestpass you've not observed.
Ellie: Is he distracted enough that I can swipe something useful from him while this is happening?
Matt: You can give it a go. He’s definitely going to eject you…
Josh: I'd like to have seen this if I can... I'd like to try and grab the pass and perhaps distract him enough that perhaps Ellie could grab something useful.
Ellie: Yes I was going to grab his security pass.
Matt: Okay Ellie you roll to do that. This is going to be Cool.
Ellie: Yeah - I am pretty cool.
Matt: You're trying to do this without him noticing and maintaining cover.
Ellie: Okay.
Matt: If this goes wrong you can...
Ellie: Yeah! Twelve! I've taken his pass, his money, his identity…
Josh: His wife.
Ellie: His children.
Matt: Yeah okay you've got his pass. He still escorts you to the elevator.
Ellie: That’s fine.
Matt: And there are other guards that join as he escorts you and he puts you both in the elevator and puts in a code that will send it straight to the ground.
Josh: The ejection floor?
Matt: So you've been ejected from the premises but you have a guardpass now.
Josh: Yeah that's not so bad, and they didn't vet our notes on the way out.
Ellie: You’ve written nothing useful have you?
Josh: I’ve just drawn willies on it.
Chris: I wonder if we could go back into the room for another scene in there, because we need to get a picture of him in the chair.
Ellie: It'd be good to note down the pin code he uses to get into the room.
Matt: You can roll Brains to see if you remembered it.
Ellie: Oh from seeing it earlier.
(sound of dice rolling)
All: Wow!
Matt: Yeah - you know it! Okay so you two want to get some sort of incriminating evidence.
Chris: Yes - just quickly try and something...
Chris (in character): Well okay, good. I'm glad we've established that we can set up this other facility, that's great. For your comfort we just need to take some measurements. Could, if you don't mind, would you mind taking your seat on your existing blood machine. I mean, I know I know it is the old model but it will give us enough information from that to see how you sit. Sit comfortably, change dimensions, maybe we could just get Maxine to lower the transfusion needle to where it normally goes? Don’t put it in, Maxine - just move it into position. And with your permission, Chad here we'll take some measurements and some photos.
Matt: Roll Wiles please.
(sound of dice rolling)
Ellie: Snake eyes!
Matt (as Maxine): Actually I was thinking that a useful use of this time, given that that we won’t get your procedure set up just yet, is I wonder if... yes Gideon why don't you take a seat... and Chad why don't you take a seat on the other seat?
Dave (in character): Maxine, no, no problem at all. I'd... yeah, I'll definitely do that.
Chris (in character): That's absolutely fine! This is - I figure - this is a preview of, you're getting some of our products from Chad's face and we're happy to offer this free service. It’s alright Chad - I can take the camera.
Dave (in character): Well Maxine, I’m of the honour of putting my blood in Mr Gideon. I mean would it be unacceptable to me to take a selfie of this moment? Would that be out of the question, Maxine?
Matt: Roll Wiles.
(sound of dice rolling)
Dave: That is a six... plus nothing.
Chris: I will assist because I got…
Dave: You’ve got plus two!
Matt: How are you going to help him persuade them to let him take a selfie?
Chris (in character): Chad doesn't have much going on in his life. A selfie with Gideon would just make his year and hopefully give him more of a youthful glow!
Matt: Roll Teamwork!
(sound of dice rolling)
Chris: Nine.
Matt: So you get what you want but there's a catch.
Matt (as Gideon): Oh go on, go on Maxine. Let the poor boy take a selfie.
Ellie: Poor boy! He’s fifty-four!
Chris: He doesn't look it!
Ellie: Poor boy - like a street urchin!
Matt (as Maxine): You certainly you can... why not... but but I'm afraid, if you do that, I am going to have to impound your mobbular telefonn... telephone... for a... we're going to have to embargo it for a length of time. We will hold onto it for you - you won't be able to… we’ll have to confiscate it.
Chris (in character): Entirely reasonable!
Dave (in character): Maxine - are you just looking for those photos of me in the nude?
Ellie: On the mobbular telefonn?
Chris (in character): I'm sure, Maxine, you will find something you quite like on that phone.
Josh: Did Maxine just have an aneurysm or something??
Dave (in character): Perfect! Let's snap away! Gideon, I hope you're ready for some real good blood.
Matt: Maxine starts setting up the apparatus and a needle goes into your arm and another one goes into Gideon's. And the blood starts to flow through tubes from you into him. Meanwhile, you can take selfies with him as you sit back to back and I presume you're trying to get as much of the equipment as possible.
Dave: I’m putting my arms as far forward as I can. I'm getting as much of a wide-shot - but I'm asking Gideon to turn around so we could see who it is. Because the back of someone's head wouldn't do the job.
Matt: So I'd like you to roll Cool to see if you can do this without them catching on to what you're trying to do.
(sound of dice rolling)
Dave: Ten. Because I've got plus three. Cool - so yeah ten!
Matt: Tell us what sort of shots.
Dave: I've got some really sweet high-angle stuff where it looks really cool. You can see all of the… there's not much in the room so there's nothing, there's nothing around the back that you're seeing...
Matt: With that roll, if there's something else kind of incriminating that you would like to get in shot, we can say that it's there.
Ellie: Like an itinerary of blood transfusions?
Josh: A signed declaration?
Dave: I think what we could…
Matt: He gets them to sign NDAs, of course he does.
Josh: He probably wouldn't store them in the Blood Room though?
Ellie: Maybe the templates… a wall, yeah a little holder on the wall by the door that has the templates of the NDAs...
Dave: Yeah.
Ellie: ...every time they do it they have to sign an NDA.
Dave: Or like donor photos with who’s an acceptable donor.
Ellie: Donor of the month!
Matt: I think maybe there are files on who’s done it. Maxine's rated them....
Dave: Yeah.
Matt: ...by the effect.
Josh: Quality of blood?
Dave: Four out of ten. Wouldn't use again. That kind of thing?
Matt: Okay so yeah... you managed to get in a shot, not just Gideon using this transfusion equipment, but also some evidence that's exactly the situation that he's using it in. But before you are allowed to leave the room Maxine confiscates your phone with all the photos on it.
Dave (in character) Maxine, what are you doing tomorrow evening? I'm just... I've got a little gap in my calendar and I was wondering if you want to go for a little coffee somewhere or something?
Matt (as Maxine): I never drink coffee in the afternoon, darling...
Dave (in character): Of course.
Matt (as Maxine): ...but I am free if you'd like to drink something with a little more bite.
Dave (in character): Fabulous. Mm-hm it's a date, Maxine! I'll see you there!
Ellie: Are they having snakebite? Can I put in a “it’s all part of the plan”?
Matt: What would you like to be part of the plan?
Ellie: The fact that his phone got confiscated, because... can the phone be bugged and also all the photos we took just got automatically uploaded to the cloud?
Matt: Roll Brains.
Josh: Genius.
Ellie: I’m going to be so pissed if I don’t get this.
Dave: Yeah after all these great rolls.
(sound of dice rolling)
Dave: Much worse!
Ellie: Five.
Matt: It’s a fail!
Josh: God, this building! Doing so poorly.
Matt: That was the plan but the plan backfires. I think she's going to find the bug...
Ellie: No, no!
Matt: ...and it's not gonna happen right here right now.
Dave: Not on my date!
Chris: Oh my God!
Matt: Somewhere off screen she's gonna realise that this phone is set up as a back door.
Ellie: Sorry guys.
Josh: Dave, you’re getting liquidated tomorrow when she finds out. She’s gonna cut you up on this date…
Ellie: ...and drink you.
Matt: And scene!
Dave: That was really bad!
Outro
Matt: You’ve been listening to Merely Roleplayers. You can look us up wherever you find podcasts, on Twitter @MerelyRoleplay and at Facebook.com/MerelyRoleplayers. Reviews and kind words are all very much appreciated and we hope you’ll join us again for our next episode.